He stars in Tim Burton's new movie, "Dark Shadows", which opens this weekend. See how he's preparing with the Celebrity To Do List of Johnny Depp.
--8:00 A.M.: Wake up from horrible nightmare that I actually aged.
--8:15 A.M.: Greet the morning with a sly, whimsical glance with eyes left and right.
--8:30 A.M.: Enjoy breakfast of café au lait, cigarettes and ex-patriot smugness.
--9:10 A.M.: Apply eyeliner.
--9:15 A.M.: Apply more eyeliner.
--9:20 A.M.: You guessed it: apply yet more eyeliner.
--10:00 A.M.: Inventory everything I own. Send thank you card to Tim Burton.
--11:00 A.M.: Wonder why people question my range as an actor, while signing on to play a freaky, pale-faced loner in Tim Burton's next film.
--12:00 P.M.: Lunch in Beverly Hills. Feign interest in a TV reboot of "21 Jump Street" when Richard Grieco brings my car around.
--1:20 P.M.: Smoke three packs of cigarettes . . . because I'm too cool for cancer.
--2:00 P.M.: Publically cheer the election of France's new socialist president, then quickly hide financial assets.
--3:15 P.M.: Turn down any movie role that doesn't allow me to wear a goofy hat.
--4:30 P.M.: Reaffirm "Hollywood rebel" image by signing onto "Pirates of the Caribbean 21".
--6:00 P.M.: Eat dinner at a French Bistro, while talking smack about the U.S. Then cash a huge check . . . from America.
(CAREFUL)--7:10 P.M.: Wink. Make millions of women orgasm.
--8:30 P.M.: Drink six bottle of wine . . . because I'm too cool for cirrhosis.
--Midnight: Bedtime. Pray to God that Tim Burton keeps making movies about androgynous misfits in eyeliner.